May 19th, 2006, 1:46 pm
One Year On
I must've been about this time. That's an odd feeling. I watched it again today, and saw how far I'd come. And how much I'd stayed the same.
My hands were sweaty and shaken, as I craned my neck upwards to behold those epic words, that stood for so much in my life. Word that conveyed a simple context, and yet explained everything that needed to be said. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
It seemed...underwhelming. My mind, dispite my best efforts, had hyped this moment to be the pinacle of my life, as I'd waited over a decade for this. I was lucky. Some had waited longer. I felt slightly put off by the first word of the text crawl - "War!" Of course there was war, that's the name of the saga. But I shrugged it off.
Then the ships were flying too close in unison. They shouldn't. They should be spinning and whizzing past each other, making more of a spectacle.
Then the battle wasn't big enough. There weren't enough explosions.
Then the droid's voices were too high and squeaky.
Then R2 was too CGI, and eventually, too stupid. What was with the fire?
After that, I was able to enjoy it. Well, I guess that the word "enjoy" isn't quite right. I was able to view it. To partake of the visual feast.
Dooku's fight was incredible.
Sidious's fight was fantastic, even if you could tell that the man was far too old for it.
I'm not ashamed to say that I nearly cried as the Jedi fell. Ki Adi Mundi, Aayla Secura, Plo Koon, Stassis Ali. The Younglings. It was incredible.
And then Mustafar.
I couldn't help feeling slight dissapointment. It was over too quickly. The whole film was done. Star Wars had finished.
I walked in a daze from the theatre. Part of me was missing. It was dead. The saga was complete. I'd waited so long. My dreams were fulfilled. But I hadn't been able to enjoy it. It's better to say that I endured it.
Over the coming months, I was able to survive. Keep going. smile, laugh. The pain faded. But I'd be lying if I said that I completely got over it. I never will. But I found ways to cope. Dedication to my own projects kept me going. I found comfort in creating a webcomic. In many ways, you reading this now is a direct result of what happened on May 19th 2005.
Star Wars Episode III. The circle was completed.
Watching it today, I see it so differently. I now enojy it. It's better than the other two prequela. It's right up there with the originals. It's one of the greatest film I've ever seen in my life. While other tragedies have barely scratched the surface of my emotional defenses, I still choke up when the clones turn. When Obi-Wan duels Anakin. When Darth Vader rises.
And in a way, I'm glad it's over.
Back when there was no word of the prequels, I imagined them myself, using a toy X-Wing that Anakin flew around, fighting for the Rebel Alliance (I didn't quite have the understanding of what would occur in these films), I knew they'd come eventually. And I dreamed them for myself.
I still dream. I have my own view of what episodes VII, VIII and IX should be. After all, Star Wars is based on an old 1930's serial Saturday morning matinee show, and they're made in 12 episodes.
One thing I'm certain off, though, is that as long as I breathe, Star Wars shall not die. It's inspired me and shaped my progression to adulthood. As I move forward, hoping to emulate George and make the name Loffhagen as synonomous with fantasy as Lucas is, my projects will be shaped by Wookiees and droids and lightsabers and Mandalorians.
It's been one year since the circle closed. Let's make a new circle.